The CPU learned from the representatives of the Russian IT industry whether relationships or marriage interfere with work, and how their other half feels about calls and letters after hours. We invite readers to discuss this issue.
Peter KutisCEO of OneTwoTrip
Everything depends on the partner, they only help me personally. As for extracurricular work, everything is ok, it is important to allocate time to the family, without a computer and a phone. It's difficult, but possible.
Mikhail KazakovSocial Media Director at PicheskyRelationships have never interfered with my work. Despite the fact that I have not been in a relationship for a long time, I have a rather interesting story.
My ex met at work, worked and still work together, and we sit in the same office five meters from each other. When they lived together, they woke up and went to work together (which, apart from jokes, helped to discipline). And I don’t remember a case when we were somehow wildly tired of each other from the fact that we were around all day.
Well, we constantly worked overtime and both treated it with understanding, often we were late for the same time, because we worked on the same project. In general, the advice is this: do not make problems out of nothing, and you will live happily both at home and at work.
Ilya Grabovskypress secretary of OdnoklassnikiI don't think relationships or marriage can get in the way of work. If necessary, you can always find some kind of compromise. Otherwise, it seems to me, a corresponding philosophical question may arise (for each his own). Everything is rather the opposite: certain obligations only motivate you additionally - and rightly so.
As for extracurricular work, everything is simple here. First, I don't have a strict schedule. For example, I come to work at eleven, I leave around eight. Sometimes, however, I can stay up late, but this does not happen so often. Secondly, the girl works two floors above: we finish together, we are going home together - it turns out that no one is waiting for anyone, it is very convenient.
Olga NovosyolovaPR in LiveTexIf the desire to work overtime is dictated by a healthy passion and intention to pump your professional competencies- it's inspiring. In the family of a programmer and a PR woman, this happens often, there is simply no reason for conflict. We like to develop, and there is enough time for entertainment. But for sleep, no.
Pavel BermanGeneral Director of the co-working "Action Zone"
In my case, they definitely interfere. It is difficult to find harmony between these areas of life. Because work has taken the lion's share of my heart for so long, there's no way relationships can take even a fraction of it. Overtime or not - I do not share such categories.
A person, especially leading his own project, should work exactly as much as he needs. It (the second half) should in no way relate to my working regime. The main thing is that she should not tire of my frequent absence from environment, and constant telephone / postal and other sticky. And this is possible only with boundless trust and freedom - I am ready to give this for my part.
Stepan Danilovfounder of MeYou and DoDocsIdeally, I would like to find a hilarious mademoiselle that I would arrange for my company (I'm the director there, after all), so that I could go to conferences together. A kind of business and family tourism for work.
But I would definitely delineate our areas of responsibility so as not to swear and not to get into her myself, but to me. That is, I am ready to give myself, my business and even some of the reins of government to a woman.
But while women usually want a fur coat, a restaurant and a Mini Cooper from me.
Maria LapukFRI press secretary
It is difficult to answer this question, because Stepan [Danilov] is constantly either writing something on Facebook or arranging for MeYou. There was no time to discuss how he relates to my work.
NATA CARLINThe proverb about two hares is not in vain invented by the people. Work and personal life are the two most important components of human existence. What are we without work and recognition in society? An empty place (at least, people convince themselves of this)! And without a family, what is the role of a person in this world and the purpose of his existence? Human life becomes meaningless without. The easiest option is to choose what is more important to you and leave what is in the way. Logically, this is how it should be. However, in life it’s not easy to make a choice, and people rush from one extreme to another - justifying at work that an emergency happened at home and you urgently need to go to save your family, and bowing your head in guilt before your relatives because you have to make reports on the weekend instead of the promised recreation in the water park. So how do you find the golden mean? What to do for those who still want to find a balance between work and personal life?
You nevertheless decided to try to combine two incompatible things: work and personal life. Well, let's try to help you with advice:
Determine the degree of importance.
Set your priorities. It is better if you clearly know what you achieve in your career and what in your personal life. If you had to choose between these two extremes, what would you give up - family or work? If you refuse to work, then soon you will find a new one, no worse, but better than the old one.
How do you work?
Do you take reports home, remotely access your work computer from home, make trips to work on weekends - do you finish what the working day was not enough for? And other people who put so many responsibilities on you, simultaneously removing them from themselves, in an amusement park or in nature. They are used to living like this, starting from the bottom. They did not allow others to use their professional skills, clearly delineated immediate duties, and brushed aside unnecessary workloads. Everyone (including the management) knew that they “wouldn’t get you far” and didn’t insist, transferring the same burden to workers like you!
Do not think that doing well is doing it yourself! Not true! Give people some of your responsibility. Take some time to teach the employee this business, and give him this responsibility. Without the knowledge of the authorities, such issues are not resolved. Therefore, explain to the director that an unbearable burden has been placed on you.
Working time planning.
Coming to work, you clearly know how many things you have planned for today. Do not do them all at once, you will get confused and have to start over. So prioritize. Start with challenging task, and for the afternoon, leave the one that will not be difficult for you to solve. And yet, put things on the list in order of importance and urgency. Try not to stay too long at the workplace. After a working day, you are of little use, and colleagues and superiors will realize that you are not in a hurry to go home, and will load you with even more responsibilities.
Get yourself a diary. Plan in it working time, and moments of personal life - going to the cinema with the family, visiting relatives, time for fitness, etc.
Get rid of unnecessary things.
Of course, for starters, leave work affairs at work. Now get busy. Get a notebook in which you write down what you did during the day in minutes. Record every hour:
Talked on the phone with my mother - 10 minutes;
Traveled by metro from home to work - 40 minutes;
The road to the office is 10 minutes.
The hour is over!
And this is your personal time! But everything is important here - communication with your mother and the way to work cannot be thrown out of life. But after work comes the most interesting:
The road from the office to the house - 50 minutes;
because he forgot to buy a loaf of bread - 20 minutes;
Going to the store for a loaf of bread - 30 minutes;
A conversation on the landing with a neighbor about what kind of wives are bad - 20 minutes;
Gatherings in front of the TV, where there is nothing to watch - 3 hours.
In 5 hours of free time, you only usefully spent 50 minutes on the road from work to home. And how much useful and necessary could be done during this time - invite your wife to the theater or cinema on. Take the kids to the pool or go to the gym yourself.
Everything around is wrong.
We often hear these words from people. Rest assured, they are all right. These are loafers who do not want to work at work, and at home they turn away from their relatives by being tired at work and do not want to delve into. It seems to them that such an explanation gives them the right to step back from the problems of the people who live around.
Dissatisfaction in personal life.
There are people who are cunning when they claim that they cannot combine personal life and work. At work, everything is perfect for them - they are professionals, respected by their superiors and colleagues. However, in their personal lives there are some problems that they do not want to admit to anyone. Therefore, they simply try to “run away from home”, claiming that a lot of urgent matters await them at work.
It is possible to combine personal life with work, this is achieved by understanding the importance of each of the components.
Men over 40 who have already reached the heights in society tend to spend time at work. The family is in the background for them;
Women of the same age and position are characterized by the opposite direction - for them it is already more important family bonds than the ghostly happiness of fleeting success.
People fulfill themselves in different ways. It also depends on gender. The self-affirmation of a man is his work, for a woman it is a family. Most of the powerful of this world value families. Status is for them or love, remains a mystery. Most likely, they are driven by the thoughts that the wife is my woman, her children are my children, and the world is my world! Such men are accustomed to rule, they need a keeper of the hearth, who silently takes care of the children and looks at her master with delight. A woman who does not understand his desire for work will not become respected and appreciated.
One more nuance! Women complain that they work at work and do not stop at home, while husbands calmly come from work and fall on the sofa in front of the TV. This happens because a woman understands that she needs to work both at work and at home, while for a man everything is clearly demarcated - you have to work at work and relax at home. Therefore, many ladies cannot stand double shifts and sit at home with their children, simultaneously doing housework and husband.
March 14, 2014, 05:29 pmIf it seems to us that work and personal life are somehow poorly combined, usually dissatisfaction with the situation in the LV is behind this. But then the reasons for this dissatisfaction can be very different. Typical reasons:
Need to prioritize
Indeed, sometimes in any scenario there is not enough time for joint LV. Decision: either determine that work is more important now - and calm down, or cut back on work. You can cut work either mechanically or learn to fit it in a shorter time through time management. Another option is to use any of the smallest opportunities to convey your love and attention to your loved ones: SMS, signs of attention.
Partner not helping...
There is not enough time for joint LV, it seems to you that you can find it, but the partner does not want to look for it. The solution is to figure out why. Maybe it’s temporary (work is more important for the partner now), maybe the partner doesn’t understand that you have enough of him (talk about it clearly - Talking about difficult relationships), or the partner, in principle, doesn’t care much about your relationship - in comparison with work. In the latter case, either accept it or look for another partner.
Lots of empty stuff...
There is not enough time for joint LV, because you are constantly doing something else, some kind of garbage. The solution is to figure out what exactly you are doing and draw a picture of life where you are doing what is right for you. For starters, time tracking, where you take into account everything: trips to your mother, and talking on the phone with friends and acquaintances, and washing your hair, and shopping, and quarreling with children, and going to the country, and cooking - everything! At the same time, you will find out how much time you basically have (theoretically) relatively free, where your LV can be. Let's say it's 32 hours. Then we distribute this time. For example, 8 hours for communication and LV personally with a loved one (husband), where there is no one else. 8 hours - purely for yourself, where there is no one else. 8 hours - for household chores. And 8 hours - for household chores and loved ones, where the husband is next to you in the background. If it suits you, it remains only to implement it. You can ask your husband to help you with this.
There is something wrong in life...
This means: in fact, everything is in order, LV and work are normally combined, but in life something is not right and I want to find or come up with a reason. So they came up with this: "Work and LV do not combine." This is a notion that, perhaps, gives you the right to run away from both work and family now.
I don't like my personal life...
This happens too. It seems that objectively there is enough time for LV, but LV is of poor quality, there is no joy from such LV, and in order not to look for the guilty, we attribute everything to terrible work.
Solution: establish LV in existing time and stop nodding to work. Questionnaire - to master and apply. And also raise the emotional tone: smile, internal motor, compliments, thanks, declarations of love!
You can combine work and personal life - it's normal, easy, natural. Of course, one must take into account the fact that for most modern successful men, under the age of 40, work ( successful work) is more important than personal life. Such a man is still in business, he is not yet up to his personal life (if seriously). And for a woman, if everything is in order with her success, her personal life is more important. Self-realization of a man begins with work, with business, self-realization of a woman - with personal relationships, with family, with love. But this does not mean that self-realization ends with this.
For business people, family is important. Most adult, smart, strong men are very interested in their personal lives, if only because this is also a space where they can also build their world, their humanity, their family. He can establish his own rules on this territory, build relations the way he wants. And this is attractive for so many men: “This is my woman, my children, my world!” And he will treat this as sincerely, as reverently, as he does with work. But this is in the event that the wife understands that work for him is, if not the most important, then one of the most important. If she treats his affairs with respect, then she will become the dearest woman for him. If she screams, makes noise on the topic: “You don’t take care of the family, you only care about work, you don’t think about children at all!”, Then it’s quite possible that he will look for a more understanding woman somewhere.
When a man has put things in order at work (and this is absolutely real), and can afford to reach a level where most processes are going in a reasonable way, he has time for his family, children, and his health. Moreover, if you put things in order at work, it is easier for you to put things in order in the family, since the rules here are the same. What you learn at work as a leader will help you in your family. What you have learned in the family as the head of the family will help you at work, in relationships with employees.
There is a view that at work - we work, and the house is a place where you can relax and unwind. So sometimes a man can afford to think, but a woman cannot afford to think like that .. The house is the most important work of a woman. If you want, she can take a rest during the day at work, and come home as her main job. Because this is the place where a woman should be as attentive, responsible, caring as possible, and everything else. Here a woman is obliged to take care of herself, of her good mood… The main work of a woman? - to be the sun, first of all, to be joy; and this work should be a favorite job for a woman, and not something burdensome: to please everyone, to inspire her husband, to be a beloved mother for children.
Has been in existence for a long time Golden Rule in the workplace: don't mix business and pleasure. Otherwise, the Swiss scientists found out, it will adversely affect human health.
The study showed that those who do not have a clear separation between work and free time are more likely to suffer from emotional and physical exhaustion.
People who bring work home (and possibly working at home), are less likely to be distracted by any activities that could help them relax and unwind after labor day. And this ultimately leads to stress and anxiety, which affects various aspects of their lives.
In today's work environment, almost everyone expects employees to respond to work-related emails with lightning speed, even after hours (or take a laptop on vacation). Researchers warn: it can be detrimental to physical and mental health.
Psychologists from the University of Zurich interviewed about two thousand people, average age who was 42 years old. All of them were representatives of the different professions. Seven out of ten people were married, and half of them worked 40 hours (or more) a week.
The study asked how well they can differentiate between their labor activity and free time. For example, how often they take work home or work on weekends, and how often they think about work during their holidays.
Participants were also asked to indicate whether they rest after work (and more specifically, whether they communicate with someone or participate in sports or other recreational activities). In addition, the authors of the work were interested in how diligently the volunteers ensured that their work did not interfere with their personal lives.
In order to measure a person's well-being, scientists looked at people's feelings of mental and physical exhaustion, as well as a sense of balance between work and other parts of life.
Psychologist Ariane Wepfer says: "Employees who combined work and personal life reported that they were exhausted because they did not have enough time to recuperate."
The lack of "recovery activities" (in other words, entertainment and recreation) explains why people who do not distinguish between work and the rest of their lives do not feel as good, the scientist says.
The results of the study show that a significant number of workers neglect the factors in their lives that make them resilient to mental health problems.
So, every sixth person experiences mental health problems during the week. And, according to psychologists, the pressure exerted on employees in modern world, is perhaps the biggest and most urgent challenge to the mental health of the population.
The cumulative effect of increased working hours has an important impact on the lifestyle of a huge number of people, which, according to researchers, can harm their well-being.
Experts believe that people need to draw a line between career and personal life. Some even believe that companies need to have policies that help employees better segment various aspects of their lives.
“Organizational policies could be adjusted to help employees manage their work and non-work hours without compromising their well-being. Because poor health goes hand in hand with lower productivity and reduced creativity" adds Weifer.
The results of the discovery are presented in the Journal of Business and Psychology.
By the way, earlier scientists called
Work is family, family is work. Every day we are torn between them. I want to make a career and create home comfort. For a modern person, this situation is the norm.
For a person should be able to combine two areas: love and career. It's not always easy. Work is earning money for life's blessings, a career, self-realization, searching for oneself. Personal life is home comfort, family, home. Devoting too much time to a career, we forget about the family. How to combine work and personal life?
How to find a balance between work and personal life?
Prioritize
What is more important for you this moment? Maybe you are looking to make a career or are raising a child. It's fine! But try to keep a balance. In pursuit of a position, do not forget about your personal life. Over time, priorities will change.
Decide on the time
If both areas are important to you, then decide how much time you will allocate for work and for the family. So, plan your day. For example, you work during the day and spend evenings and weekends with your family. Don't try to finish work at the expense of family time.
Know how to switch
The faster you switch from work to family and vice versa, the more successfully you will combine these two areas. You do not need to discuss work problems at home all evening, better plan joint leisure or discuss family plans. Also, get out of the habit of discussing family problems at work. It's distracting and frustrating.
Be successful
Any business is easier if you are successful. Find an activity you enjoy. will not make your life more harmonious. Try . Do not be afraid . Build your personal life yourself. Each person has his own time to get married (to get married), to become a dad (mother). Don't compare yourself to others, compare only to yourself.
Organize your life
An organized person easily combines these two areas. Work - at work, personal life - at home. This is the main rule of an organized person.
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