Teacher's Day 2017 "12 chairs".
To background music, children read a poem by R. Rozhdestvensky
Good luck, rural and urban
respected teachers.
Good, evil and none
captains
on the ship's bridge.
Good luck, debutants and aces,
Good luck!
Especially in the morning
when you enter the classroom
alone, like in a cage,
others, as in a temple.
Good luck to you, busy things,
which can not be completed anyway,
tightly shackled
instructions. And shouts, and RONO.
Good luck to you, different looking,
with tricks and without any tricks,
loving or hating these -
if they are three times...
children.
You know,
I still believe
that if only the Earth remains,
the highest dignity of mankind
will someday be teachers!
Not in words, but in things of tradition,
which
match tomorrow's life
a teacher must be born
and only after that - become!
He won't hide even if he wants to.
on him, going early at times,
passers-by will turn around,
be for a brass band.
It will have wisdom
talented, daring
he will carry the sun on his wing...
Teaching is a long-range profession
Home on Earth!
Sounds music from the film "12 chairs" - "The lonely sail turns white."
1 led. One fine day on September 5, 2017, a young man of about twenty-eight entered the county town of Makeevka from the northwest, from the side of the Russian border, into the county town of Makeevka. He wore a green jacket, an old woolen scarf wrapped around his neck several times, and on his feet were boots of an indeterminate color. There were no socks under the boots, which, by the way, was fashionable. The young man's name was Ostap Bender. In his hands he held a suitcase, similar to those in which business people carry laptops. Yes, and he himself arrived on an extremely important matter.
2 ved . The liveliness of character allowed him to change several dozen occupations, constantly threw him to different parts of the country and now brought him to the county town of Makeevka. Having assessed the local situation, he set out to take advantage of it and open the first solid private school in the city of Makeevka, the income from which would allow him to buy both socks and an apartment where these incomes could be stored. It remains to meet the competitors. Ostap Bender thought something like this when he entered the county town of Makeevka.
Ostap on stage. A boy runs up to him .
Boy : Uncle, and uncle, give me ten kopecks!
Ostap: What a penny, boy. Euro, only Euro!
Shura: Or maybe even 10 cents?
Ostap: Or maybe you should also give the key to the apartment where the money is?
The boy runs away.
Vedas. 2. The young man cheated. He had no money, he didn't even have a high school diploma. What he had a lot of was ambition.
Ostap: Yes, this is not Rio de Janeiro!
Number _________________________________________________
Ostap comes out, walks busily across the stage, looks around singing a song to the melody of the song "Tango" Rio "" from the movie "The Twelve Chairs". During the song, schoolgirls come out to meet Ostap, Ostap involves them in a dance. At the end of the song, he takes one of them by the hand. This is Galya Gritsatsueva.
Ostap. Tell me madam!
Galya. By the way, mademoiselle!
Ostap . Tell…
Galya . My name is Galya… Galya Gritsatsueva!
Ostap . (with impatience and slight contempt) Tell me, Galya, what is the best school in this city?
Galya. Of course, school number 34!
Ostap . But why?
Galya. Because I study there!
Ostap . Not that!
Galya. Because they have the best teachers!
Ostap. Here, stop, this is what you need! Address!
Galya. Green, 80.
Ostap. Sleep well! Tomorrow you have a free day! I have the honor! (tries to leave)
Galya. Comrade Bender! You promised to hire me! I have dreamed of becoming a teacher since childhood.
Ostap . O sultry girl! A poet's dream! Provincial immediacy. There are no such people in the center for a long time, but they are still found on the periphery. I have the honor!
Galya. Comrade Bender! Take me to work!
Ostap . You are attractive! I'm damn attractive! What's the point of wasting time? Come in the evening ... in five years. With a diploma. I have the honor!
Galya. But Comrade Bender!...
Ostap. Calmly! The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury! The ice has broken! I will lead the parade! (leaves the stage )
Number ____________________________________________________________
1 ved . Ostap Bender went to the specified address. He walked on without looking back. (music from the movie "Seventeen Moments of Spring"). He liked to walk. After all, pedestrians make up a large part of humanity, moreover, the best part of it. And to everything else, not everyone is given the ability to drive an automobile vehicle.
2 led. Ostap Bender thought something like this when he entered the building of school No. 34. But then a barrier awaited him: a valiant janitor who gave the most beautiful calls, and who, not without reason, was considered the second director in the gymnasium. A duty teacher who could hypnotize with a look, and even the administration. All of them looked so that it immediately became clear: a stranger would not pass!
Number __________________________________________________________
1 led. Teachers' favorite things were teachers' councils and meetings, so they went to them regularly with pleasure. At meetings, teachers usually sawed the bough that grew out the window and on which everyone could sit together, tried to blow on the same tune and found out why the local priest, Father Fyodor, needed an accordion. But today the battles flared up serious!
2 led. There were two items on the agenda. First: an auditor is coming to our school ... It will either be(points up) or a new inspector - I think Bender is his last name. Therefore, there was a team to fill out magazines, do not put deuces, do not scold children, turn on the lighting, well, in general, everything is as always. And so two days!
1 led. Second question. Who will meet him? A friendly teaching staff decided to appoint Ippolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov for this role.
Number__________________________________________________
1 led. When people grow old, various troubles can happen to them: teeth can fall out, hair can turn gray and thin, shortness of breath develops, obesity can come on, extreme thinness can overcome, but the voice, the voice remains the same. When the great strategist saw Ippolit Matveyevich after a long separation, he realized that in front of him was the same Kitty!
Sounds music Ippolit Matveyevich and Ostap Bender on stage . Kitty nervously walks with a piece of paper on which "Bender" is written, nervously looks at his watch, worries
Ostap. My God! Kitty! What kind?
Kitty. Quiet, no one here calls me Kisa, only Ippolit Matveyevich. And why did you come here?
Ostap. To the point, my friend, to the point.
Kitty. On what?
Ostap. Personally, okay, relax, Kitty. You are in business! I'm opening a private school and I'm hiring you.. mmm... as a janitor!
Kitty. Scammer!
Ostap. I'm kidding, Kisa! You will be my deputy for the basics of safe life ...
Kitty. And the clock!
Ostap. And the key to the apartment! Listen, Kitty, you love money more than you should. How do you generally work at school?
Kitty. It's a whole story. When my ... our story with the treasure burned out, I wandered for a long time, worked in a labor colony, was engaged in the book business, and then one day at a job fair I saw her ... My first love ... Lyubov Feodorovna! She came up to me and asked...
Music sounds. Ostap and Kisa leave.
Number ______________________________________
Kitty. That's how I got into school.
Ostap. And did you like it?
Kitty. Yes. I began to enjoy teaching. I have students that I can be proud of ...
Ostap. Kitty! You surprise me! Come on?!
Kitty. Ellochka Schukina. With all its external attractiveness - alas and ah! She is not at all disfigured by intellect. She manages easily and freely with thirty words. It is difficult for her to give oral answers and written essays. But she was carried away by the OBZH, and even whole quotes from the charter of the garrison and guard service appeared in her vocabulary. And what essays she writes! It is something! Come on, I'll introduce you.
Number __________________________________________________
Vedas. one. The life credo of Ellochka Schukina is that you need to be able to beat out the benefit from everything, even from the school board.
Vedas. 2. Ellochka's dictionary was only 30 words, but with them she could express almost any of her thoughts. Here are the words, phrases and interjections, meticulously chosen by her from all the great, verbose and powerful Russian language.
Ostap and Ellochka come out.
Ostap. You, of course, were surprised by the visit of an unknown man?
Ellochka. Ho-ho-ho!
Ostap. But I'm here with you on a delicate matter.
Ellochka. Are you kidding?
Ostap. Not at all. I am opening a private school and looking for talented students. Tell me about your class!
Ellochka. Darkness!
Ostap. So! What about the teachers?
Ellochka. Horror!
Ostap. I don't think you're very forthright.
Ellochka. Hamite, boy!
Ostap. Do you like life lessons?
Ellochka. The beauty!
Ostap. Go honey! Great things await you!
Ellochka. Don't teach me how to live!
Ostap. Yes, Kitty ... A curious specimen. What about other graduates?
Kitty. Hama! They act boldly. The authority of adults is not recognized. But very advanced! I saw their writings... Believe me, there is something to read!
Ostap and Kisa go backstage, exchanging opinions.
Number________________________________________________
The leaders continue.
1 led. As Ostap got to know the school, he liked it more and more. A few days later, he already knew the teachers by name, and the students by sight. Some of the faces, believe me, are expressive, but unfortunately there was one nuance. Much of what the young people said he did not understand. He suddenly seemed terribly old to himself. His idea seems to have failed again.
2 led. You can't just take and create a good school! She needs to be grown. Day after day, year after year. Ostap knew teachers who devoted their whole lives to school! And where else do they love their school and their teachers as much as these boys and girls love! And in what other school, the lights of the classrooms, the assembly hall are burning long after the lessons, rehearsals are going on, ideas and discoveries are ripening! Ostap suddenly, perhaps for the first time in his life, wanted to leave something at school as a memory of himself. From the heart, and not from mercantile reasons. He stood up and just said...
Ostap . The ice has broken! The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury! Happy holiday, dear teachers!
School choir.
SCENARIO OF THE PRODUCTION EVENING FOR ELEVENTH GRADE STUDENTS "12 CHAIRS, OR THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF OSTAP AND KISA ... ALMOST AFTER ILF AND PETROV."
(A phonogram sounds, a dance with fans is performed.)
Ostap and Kitty come out
At half past eight, a young man of about seven entered the school from the northwest, from the side of the planning academy. His parents followed him
Son! - They shouted cheerfully. - You forgot the festive bouquet!
The young man took out a heated apple from his pocket, ironically looked at his parents and said quietly: - Maybe I should take notebooks and textbooks with me! The young man lied: then 11 years ago he had neither notebooks, nor textbooks, nor a briefcase where they could lie. In all this, a young man of about seven did not feel any need.
(passage with fans, Kisa appears)
kitty Terrible, gentlemen, terrible! Whole 11 years!
Ostap - You need to spend 11 years to get a precious crust with the inscription "Certificate"!
(acquaintance, tango of Ostap. and Kitty, remarks)
Ostap .- I know one amazing secret!
kitty .- To get a certificate, I'm ready for anything!
Ostap .- It would be nice to have a medal too!
kitty .- Eh! Now they don't just give medals!
Ostap - In general, Kisa, according to unverified and reliable sources, this school has floors, on the floors there are offices, and in the offices there are chairs .. Precious crusts are sewn into these chairs.
kitty .- Well, yes! Only 3 floors, 30 offices and 900 chairs!
Ostap .- There is a low probability that we will find them earlier, especially for damaging school property to linger. Here you can for a long time.
(girls pass through the fans. A year has passed, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11.
Kitty. and Ostap dress up)
Ostap .- 10 years of useless searches!
kitty - The last hope remains, the last 10 chairs!
Ostap - Yes! The last 10, but what! Not just standing in the school cafeteria, bookkeeping, or hallways. Tyrants sit on them, sit, oh! The titans of human thought, the standards of the human mind, the embodiment of the ideology and dedication of educators.
Ostap So, Kisa. Who does not take risks does not drink champagne! Here are the doors! Knock!
Kisa - Me? Why me?
Ostap - Kitty, do you need a certificate or not?
(Kisa looks in the door) -Ahh, no!!!
Ostap - Kisa! Be brave! Come on!
(girls with fans lead out the physics teacher.)
kitty - Ah, what a woman!
(they put her on a chair, the song “Queen of Spades” is performed for her)
She has black hair
Her eyes are like pitch
She just plays
Mysterious role
She will make you learn
And it can cause stress.
At the same time, it complies
Peak interest
Chorus: Queen of Spades
Not love but drama
Physics torments us
Twos don't count
Twos don't count
The Queen of Spades is insidious and stubborn
That's why it fades
Fading, fading
This white light
kitty - I would like a certificate! Be quiet! I will sit quietly, remove all the papers, 5 minutes before the end of the lesson I will solve 3 problems for “3”, no, 6 problems for “4”. No-9 tasks - on "5" !!!
(card with the symbolism of the object, delivery of flowers)
Ostap - So what?
kitty - Sleight of hand and no cheating! I searched the whole chair - there is no certificate there!
Ostap .- Well? We continue!
kitty .- Go on! I will create all the conditions for this! We will take care of the purity of the experiment.
(Girls come up to Ostap, put on white rubber gloves, a dressing gown and a cap, give him a flask)
kitty - So, people, mouths closed! Now you are fully equipped, go ahead for the certificate!
(the chemistry teachers are taken out, they sing a song to the motive “Fashion changes daily”)
kitty - Ah! What a woman!
I will put the reagents on the desk
Fled, as in a circus, eyes!
Don't touch this jar!
But sweeter to us is that which is impossible!
Looking forward to challenging experiences
Let's rub our hands impatiently.
We'll put everything on the table
And let's start chemistry quietly!
Well, what to pour into a test tube,
To make a miracle?
And so as not to grab a deuce
For broken dishes?
Salt, dilute, pour -
Let's set up an experiment.
What will not work later
We'll fix it in the process!
And let's add something!
Ostap .- I would like a certificate! Be quiet! Be quiet! I will give you my best dance, I will learn the longest formula for you, I .., I ..., I ... (Kisa runs up, whispers something in his ear) I will give you balloon. My favorite color, my favorite size.!
(flowers, ball, escorted to the place)
Ostap .- Well, now no ball, no certificate!
kitty
What did he throw in his native land?
Ostap .- And he, Kitty, is looking for a precious crust. Please don't forget about it!
The lonely sail turns white in the blue mist of the sea
What is he looking for in a distant land,
What did he throw in his native land?
(the girls lead the literature teacher out, Ostap approaches her)
kitty - Ah! What a woman!
Ostap - I would like a certificate! Be quiet! Be quiet! So, she was called Tatyana
For the first time with such a name
Gentle pages of a novel
We will sanctify
Always humble, always obedient,
Always as cheerful as the morning
How simple the life of a poet
Like a kiss of love
Her portrait is very sweet.
I love him first
(composition) I am writing to you, what more?
What else can I say?
Now I know in your will
Punish me with contempt
But you, to my unfortunate fate
At least a drop of pity keeping
You don't leave me
Just to hear your words
You say a word, and then
All think, think about one thing
And day and night until a new meeting.
Who are you, my guardian angel
Or an insidious tempter:
Resolve my doubts.
Maybe it's all empty
Deception of an inexperienced soul1
And something completely different is destined ...
But so be it! my fate
From now on, I give you
I shed tears in front of you
I beg your protection...
(flowers, applause)
kitty - Well? Useless?
Ostap - It's useless!
Kisa .- Unsuccessfully?
Ostap - Unsuccessfully!
kitty - To no avail?
Ostap - To no avail!
kitty - Means. Let's fight for the result!
Ostap - By the way, Kisa. Do you know what OBZh is?
kitty - Very roughly - this is where to walk, where not to walk, in order to reduce the risk of falling ..
(output of the OBZH teacher, song to the motive “And I love the military”)
You won't believe me girlfriend
Still all alone
I can't find a friend
Even though it looks ugly
I can't find a friend
Similar to Igor
'Cause I love the military
beautiful, healthy,
I also love cool
And any business
kitty -I would like a certificate! I've already prepared a diary for an autograph! I would like a certificate! ! (O. prompts) And I will tell my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great-grandchildren about it!
(Flowers, applause)
Ostap - Well, where are the certificates? Come on soon!
kitty - Where? Where? No certificates! I checked everything! Gas masks alone! What to do? What to do?
Ostap - What to do? -Search further, the chances become more and more, which means that the certificates are closer. I already feel in my hands these cherished dark green crusts with a bright aroma of fresh printing ink!
kitty - You, Ostap, talk about certificates like cakes stuffed with supercalories, and overeating is harmful! Spoil the figure! Look at ...
Ostap .- Shhh! This is the next chair and another hope!
The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury, the ice has broken!
(a physical education teacher comes out, a song to the motive “I kissed you2 Pugacheva)
You came so sporty
You came like this in sneakers.
The twinkle in the eyes is playful.
On the chest is a whistle with a rope,
And we looked at you
And, although the race did not pass,
Assessed the situation
And they all promised in chorus:
We will run with you personally,
And now we're so tired
You give us "excellent",
To kiss you...
Ostap - I would like a certificate! Oh please! I would like a certificate! And I will definitely do something for you and the Guinness Book of Records, I will not miss a single physical education lesson: I promise, I promise to ski all year round, especially in the spring and autumn period. I would like a certificate!
(flowers, applause)
Ostap (Kise) -Kisa, I'm telling you (gesture) the 4th time, the 4th! That the certificates are somewhere here. The next attempt is yours, Kitty.
(the song begins on the motive of "Taganka", the history teachers are taken out)
Gypsy woman with cards
The road is far
The road is far
Government House
And here's the story
So important
me boy
Waiting for a new one
Chorus: Tatyana, all the nights are dark, without sleep
Tatyana, why are you torturing me?
Tatyana, I am your prisoner forever
And my decent certificate
In your hands.
kitty - I would like a certificate! Or at least a quarter of it. You lead 4 subjects, 4! I would like a certificate! And you won’t see me anymore, you won’t hear me, I will fill all the corners of the office with myself, but what’s all there ?! I'll even find the 5th! I would like a certificate! And I'll follow you at least to the hostel from the night! I would like a certificate! I will dig the ground with my nose at the school site after school hours! I would like a certificate!
(Ostap prompts --- Well, cry, or something!)
I would like a certificate! And I! And I! .. (Kisa whimpered)
(Applause, flowers)
Ostap - Kitty, I feel that the certificates are somewhere nearby. Now the main thing is not to oversleep your happiness!
(phonogram, bring out the class teacher)
Call me, call
Wake me up for God's sake
Stretch through time
It's time for me to get up
And run to your own school
I just want to sleep
I just want to sleep
It's better not to know
Call me, call
Ostap - I would like a certificate! And I will never go to any rehearsals again, I will never step on stage again, I will learn German only because you teach it! I would like a certificate! And I'll bring on Parent meeting and mom, and dad, and sister, and brother, and grandmother, and grandfather, and her beloved dog barking in German!
(flowers, applause)
Ostap - That's it, I can't do it anymore!
kitty - Do not become limp, Ostap! We will take wholesale!
(the head teachers come out under the medley)
(head teacher for UVR) - song "Marina" Kirkorov
School is like a brigantine
Moves the course slowly
Marina works there.
How good is
She has many worries.
Succeeds all around
It will be three in one
Chorus: We love you, Marina,
Getting stronger day by day
Without your love Marina
Restless soul
The meetings were so short
parting ahead
Shatter like pieces
So try and find
(head teacher - organizer)
Song "Vernissage"
At a break sometime
We met you by chance
You followed orders admiring
They talked about the day of health
And from the success of the head
Already pleasantly twirled
And we stood on the porch
And everything changed in the face
When they learned about a particular
You said now
We will forever close the door
We will hardly forget
Chorus: Oh, our head teacher,
Ah, our head teacher.
What portrait, what type
Here's a cute look, here's a stern look
Every one of us is happy for him
: Oh, our head teacher,
Ah, our head teacher.
What portrait, what type
Charmed us right away
We sing from the heart for you
(I'm the head teacher for UVR-mathematics). song black and white
We solve tests
They are checked
Well, the answers
Do not match
Even simple
Seems complicated
What is possible-
Superimpossible
Who's wrong
Who will guess
Miscellaneous happiness
We get
Put a cross
Zero will be counted
This is the Unified State Examination
Natively called
(head teacher-teacher of French)
Song "Lilac fog" by Markin
Lilac fog floats over the school
Galina went around the polling stations in the morning
She's not in a hurry, she understands
That the school needs cleanliness like oxygen
She will then go to the guys in the offices
With a reminder to everyone to take shovels in their hands
Clean it up and don't forget about it
And that through the lesson everything will be checked
Well, then, when already half-dead
Everyone who has reached them will go to the lessons
She will remind everyone of the golden days
And the list of debtors will stubbornly announce
kitty .-I would like a certificate! (Takes off his hat and to the head teacher - a teacher of French -Madame! Don’t mange pa si zhur certificate! Well, please give me a certificate.! Well, why are you sorry or what?
(Ostap intervenes - More pitiful! Kisa, ask more compassionately!)
Kitty falls on his knees in front of the head teacher
Head teacher - All questions to the director!
There is a song for the director "Diva" F. Kirkorov
A proud look and the hall falls silent
A light gesture said a lot
A couple of phrases and the hall is shaking
Whose fate are you living today?
THAT the image of the Virgin, then the devil
Today is a cat, tomorrow you are a lioness
Every day a new role
Chorus: Viva la Diva!
Viva, Victoria!
Aphrodite!
The world at your feet: flowers, ovation
Whatever the role is again a sensation
Demon today, goddess tomorrow
Now you are a queen, then you are a slave
Every day a new life
Chorus: : Viva la Diva!
Viva, Victoria!
Cleopatra!
Ostap .- The word for greeting and presentation of certificates is provided
kitty - to the director of the municipal educational institution of school No. ……………………………………………
(After the presentation of certificates, a song is performed)
THE FINAL
Let's say goodbye light
What was, was, gone
Of course it's terrible, of course it's pointless
Oh, how would the beginning return
The beginning is impossible to return, unthinkable
And don't even think, forget
Let's get dinner, let's get dressed
Fill the days with worries
It's easier that way, isn't it?
It's easier that way, isn't it?
Doesn't it hurt less?
Let's not cheat and speak fate
God it's not worth the trouble
Yes, yes, gentlemen, maybe, not ever
And never again
Chorus: Ah! How cute!
Very well!
It was and gone
It was and gone!
Let's say goodbye light
Another week and we will calm down
What was, was, gone
Welcome drink
Gathering of guests. The film 12 chairs is shown on the screen. Periodically, an insert appears with the company logo and the theme of the holiday. The girls offer guests to try their luck and draw out the coveted ticket. Only 12 will get numbered tickets. Everyone else will get New Year wishes. Photographing on the press wall.
A magician with micromagic entertains those who come.
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1 part
The leader makes a congratulatory speech.
The theme of 12 chairs sounds.
Presenter (already in the form of O. Bender):
- We all know perfectly well what Ostap Bender and Ippolit Matveyevich were looking for in these chairs. But today we will not look for the leader's family heirlooms (as an example). Tonight we will spend the evening looking for the keys to happiness. However, not everyone will be able to try their luck, but only those who have numbers written on their tickets. So, 12 chairs, gentlemen!!! (Twelve chairs appear on the screen.)
The first lucky man appears on the stage, a chair is brought out for him, which he opens and completes the task,
Phrase from the movie: The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury! The ice has broken!
Small bottle of vodka - task - You must make a toast and drink the vodka to the bottom.
The second lucky man appears on the stage, opens 2 chairs, completes tasks,
Phrase from the movie: Kitty! I have long wanted to ask you as an artist of an artist: Do you know how to draw?
Markers - task - You have to draw the house of your dreams.
The participant is invited to invite a girl assistant from among the guests. He is blindfolded, and with the help of the assistant's tips, he draws a house on a piece of drawing paper held by the second assistant.
The third lucky man appears on the stage, opens 3 chairs, completes tasks,
Phrase from the movie: Submit former MP State Duma! Monsieur! Zhe ne mange pa sis zhur ...
Sheet with French words written in Russian - Happy New Year to the company in French. (The text of congratulations will be written on the sheet).
VIA appears in captain's caps and scarves. They are behind the tools. The main theme plays. Musical and gastronomic break.
Magician, mini performance.
part 2
For those who have been thinking only about the contents of one of the chairs all this time, I inform you: our next guest enters the stage, and in a few moments we will find out whether he was lucky or not ... The fourth lucky man appears on the stage, opens the 4th chair, performs tasks.
Phrase from the movie: What is your political creed? Is always! Russia will not forget you!
A book of advice (something about life like Dale Carnegie) - the task is to give good life or professional advice.
The fifth lucky man appears on the stage, opens the 5th chair, performs the tasks indicated in this chair.
Phrase from the movie: William Shakespeare's dictionary is estimated by researchers to be 12,000 words. The vocabulary of a negro from the cannibalistic tribe "Mumbo Yumbo" is 300 words. Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed thirty.
A4 sheet with the vocabulary of Ellochka-Cannibals - task - You must answer all the questions of the presenter using the vocabulary of Ellochka the Cannibals. (if this chair went to a man, then the leader offers to transfer the task to a woman from among the employees of the department)
1. How do you like today's holiday? - Famous!
2. Are there already drunk men at your table? - Horror.
3. Have you already decided which of them will accompany you? Don't teach me how to live!
4. What type of men do you prefer? - Fat and handsome!
5. Are there many guests, you see? - Darkness!
6. How will you get home? - Let's take a taxi.
7. Can I come with you? - Your back is white!
The sixth lucky man appears on the stage, opens the 6th chair, performs the tasks indicated in this chair.
Phrase from the movie: A sultry woman is a poet's dream!
Mirror - task: put on a wig to the music and portray Ellochka the Cannibal.
Musical gastronomic break. Second block.
part 3
We keep looking for the happy chair. In a few seconds, the members will appear on this stage, who will open new chairs, let's see which of them gets lucky!
The seventh lucky man appears on the stage, opens the 7th chair, performs the tasks indicated in this chair.
Phrase from the movie: - Allow me, comrades! I have all the moves recorded!
The office is writing!
Box of small chess - task - You must depict any 3 chess pieces using gestures or pantomime.
The eighth lucky man appears on the stage, opens the 8th chair, performs the tasks indicated in this chair.
Phrase from the movie: Money in the morning, chairs in the evening!
Can I have chairs in the morning and money in the evening? Yes, but money up front!
The 12 Chairs Book - Assignment - You must remember some great phrases from the 12 Chairs book.
A lucky person appears on the stage, opens the 9th chair, performs the tasks indicated in this chair.
Phrase from the movie: However, you can leave, but we have, I warn you,
Long hands!
Box - task - hugging each other by the waist, participants with the help of free hands must make a gift box - tie a ribbon on it.
Musical and gastronomic break. VIA third block
part 4
- There are less and less whole chairs, and more and more chances to win! This is what I want to note by inviting another participant to this stage! I wish you good luck, because this is a real lottery!
The tenth lucky man appears on the stage, opens the 10th chair, performs the tasks indicated in this chair.
Phrase from the movie: Foreign countries will help us.
Music CD - the task is to say a toast, say some beautiful word or phrase in any foreign language.
Tension builds: only two chairs left!!! And also two of the most interesting, fun tasks are waiting for their completion! Who will get the main prize of the holiday, and who will be able to show their hidden abilities - the answer to this question is right now! Please on stage!
A representative appears on the stage, opens chair 11, performs the tasks indicated in this chair.
Phrase from the movie: Maybe give you another key to the apartment where the money is?
Small lock - task - in 20 seconds, select the correct one from a bunch of keys.
A representative appears on the stage, opens the 12th chair, performs the tasks indicated in this chair.
Phrase from the movie: I tell you as a man tormented by Narzan...
Bottle of Narzan - quest - c eyes closed by smell to determine one or another alk. drink.
- Our today's holiday is based on the work of Ilf and Petrov "12 chairs"! As we remember, according to the book and the film, our main characters never found the jewel. But the main thing in our holiday is that no one will leave without a gift!!!
VIA Completion.
Disco. Contests (optional)
From one of the events held under this scenario.
The script for the play "The Twelve Chairs" was written by me in May 2009 based on the "talented and funny" novel by Ilya Ilf and Yevgeny Petrov, in which the witty plot, its careful elaboration - "the thread that fastens the satirical episodes." These episodes, according to K. Simonov, constitute "the true essence of the book." Scenes where humor in its "pure form" prevails, where the music of A. Zatsepin and G. Gladkov from the films of L. Gaidai and M. Zakharov sounds - in the play "The Twelve Chairs". I think "the ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury."
Download:
Preview:
Scenario of the play "The Twelve Chairs"
Characters: | Role performers: | Page |
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NARRATOR 1 | |||
narrator 2 | |||
narrator 3 | |||
narrator 4 | |||
OSTAP BENDER | |||
IPPOLIT MATVEEVICH VOROBYANINOV | |||
KLAUDIA IVANOVNA PETUKHOVA | |||
FATHER FYODOR | |||
ELLOCHKA | |||
GIRL 1 | |||
GIRL 2 | |||
GIRL 3 | |||
GIRL 4 | |||
GRITSATSUEV | |||
COMMISSION MEMBER | |||
MANAGER | |||
FITTER Swordsmen | |||
STREET CLEANER | |||
WORKING 1 | |||
WORKING 2 |
SCENE 1
EVENT 1
Melody #1
All artists appear in front of the audience,
then they leave and prepare for the beginning of the performance.
EVENT 2
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: In the county town N, life was the quietest. The spring evenings were intoxicating, the dirt sparkling under the moon like anthracite. Ippolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov, a former leader of the nobility, a man crushed by poverty and his mother-in-law Claudia Ivanovna Petukhova, was in charge of questions of love and death in this wonderful city from nine in the morning to five in the evening every day with a half-hour break.
NARRATOR 2: Klavdia Ivanovna was stupid, and her advanced age did not allow her to hope that she would ever grow wiser. She was stingy to the extreme. Her voice was of such strength and density that Richard the Lionheart would envy him, from the cry of which, as you know, horses squatted. On top of that, she had grown a mustache under her nose, and each mustache looked like a shaving brush.
NARRATOR 1: On Good Friday, April 15, 1927, Klavdia Ivanovna felt worse, she had a severe heart attack, and she confessed to the priest of the Church of Flora and Laurus, Father Fyodor V about strikov. Then she called Ippolit Matveyevich, after which a VERY IMPORTANT conversation took place between them.
The narrators leave.
EVENT 3
Melody No. 2
Petukhov, Vorobyaninov, father Fyodor.
PETUKHOVA: Hippolyte, sit down beside me, I must tell you... Hippolyte, do you remember our living room set?
VOROBYANINOV: Which one?
PETUKHOVA: That one... upholstered in English calico...
VOROBYANINOV: Oh, is it in my house?
PETUKHOVA: Yes, in Stargorod...
VOROBYANINOV: I remember, I remember very well ... A sofa, a dozen chairs and a round table with six legs. The furniture was excellent a mbsovskaya ... And why did you remember?
PETUKHOVA ("wooden, indifferent voice"): I sewed my diamonds into the seat of the chair.
VOROBYANINOV: What kind of diamonds? Weren't they taken away then, during the search?
PETUKHOVA: I hid the diamonds in the chair.
VOROBYANINOV: Your diamonds! In a chair! Who made you think? Why didn't you give them to me?
PETUKHOVA (calmly and evil): How was it to give you diamonds when you started about wind my daughter's estate?
VOROBYANINOV (gets up): But did you take them out? They are here?
PETUKHOVA: I did not have time. You remember how quickly and unexpectedly we had to run. They remained in the chair that stood between the terracotta lamp and the fireplace.
VOROBYANINOV (shouted): But this is madness! How you look like your daughter!(He wanders around the room.)But do you have any idea where these chairs could end up? Or do you think, perhaps, that they stand quietly in the living room of my house and wait until you come to collect your r-regalia? How? Put seventy thousand worth of diamonds in a chair! In a chair on which no one knows who is sitting! ..
Melody No. 3
The heroes leave.
SCENE 2
EVENT 1
Melody #3 (ongoing)
Narrators 3, 4.
NARRATOR 3: The news stunned Ippolit Matveyevich. In his diamond dreams, even his mother-in-law seemed nicer to him than she was. He decided to go to Stargorod and find the treasure.
NARRATOR 4: However, not only Vorobyaninov went in search of treasure. The impulsive soul of Father Fyodor, who confessed Klavdia Ivanovna, never knew peace, especially when it came to gain: at all stages of his spiritual and civil career, Father Fyodor remained a money-grubber. He dreamed of his own e in a small factory, therefore, without a moment's delay, he went to Stargorod "on a mysterious matter, but apparently promising great BENEFITS."
NARRATOR 3: From the side of the village of Chmarovka, fate sent Ippolit Matveyevich an assistant, Ostap Bender, who seemed to the “leader of the nobility” a crook. But, despite this, Vorobyaninov told Ostap, the first rogue he met, everything that he knew about diamonds from the words of his dying mother-in-law.
NARRATOR 4: From his biography, Ostap usually reported only one detail: "My dad was a Turkish citizen." The liveliness of character led Bender to Stargorod without any business, without socks, without a key, without an apartment and without money.
Melody No. 4
The narrators leave.
EVENT 2
Melody #4 (ongoing)
Ostap Bender, Vorobyaninov.
BENDER: The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury! The ice has broken! How much did all this mother-in-law music cost?
VOROBYANINOV: Thousand seventy - seventy five.
BENDER: Now, that means it's worth a hundred and fifty thousand. Not less. Only you, dear comrade from Paris, spit on all this.
VOROBYANINOV: How to spit?
BENDER: Saliva, as they spat before the era of historical materialism. Nothing will come of it.
VOROBYANINOV: How so?
BENDER: That's how. How many chairs were there?
VOROBYANINOV: Dozen. Seating set.
BENDER: Your headset has long burned out in the stoves.(Vorobyaninov was very frightened, got up.)Calm down, calm down. I take care of the business. The meeting continues. By the way, we need to concludesmall deal. If the treasure is sold, I, as a direct participant in the concession and the technical manager of the case, receive sixty percent.
VOROBYANINOV: This is robbery in broad daylight.
BENDER: And how much did you think to offer me?
VOROBYANINOV: Well, five percent, well, ten, finally. You understand, it's fifteen thousand rubles!
BENDER: Do you want anything else?
VOROBYANINOV: N-no.
BENDER: Or maybe you want me to work for FREE, and even give you the key to the apartment where the money is?
VOROBYANINOV: In that case, I'm sorry. I have reason to think that I can do my job alone.
BENDER: Aha! In that case, I'm sorry, I have no less reason to believe that I alone can handle your case.
VOROBYANINOV: Fraudster!
BENDER (raising his voice): Listen, gentleman from Paris, do you know that your diamonds are almost in my pocket! And I am interested in you only insofar as I want to provide for your old age.
VOROBYANINOV: Twenty percent.
BENDER (with a sneer): And my food?
VOROBYANINOV: Twenty-five.
BENDER: And the key to the apartment? Well, so be it - fifty percent. Half is yours, half is mine.
VOROBYANINOV: Forty percent. Sixty thousand.
BENDER: You are a rather vulgar person, you love money more than you should.
VOROBYANINOV: And you don't like money?
BENDER: I don't.
VOROBYANINOV: Why do you need sixty thousand?
BENDER: Out of principle! So, has the ice broken?(Gives his hand to Vorobyaninov.)
VOROBYANINOV (quietly, offering a hand): Moved.
BENDER: Well, deal with you, county leader of the Comanches! The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury!
Melody No. 5
The heroes leave.
SCENE 3
EVENT 1
Melody No. 5 (ongoing).
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: A real hunt for 12 chairs began, in which the technical manager of the case, Ostap, showed inexhaustible energy and ingenuity. The competitor of the event, Father Fyodor, made himself known. Ippolit Matveyevich had a fight with him on the street over a chair in which there were no diamonds. The concessionaires also encountered Vostrikov in St. a city hotel.
NARRATOR 2: Ippolit Matveyevich, encouraged by the orders for furniture received from Bartholomew Korobeinikov, in a joyful mood, Smiling radiantly, he went out into the corridor and began to walk. At the same time, Father Fyodor also went out into the corridor for a walk, whose face was blurry with happiness, because he also had a warrant for diamond, as it seemed to him then, furniture. The rivals met several times and, glancing victoriously at each other, followed on.
Melody No. 6
The narrators leave.
EVENT 2
Vorobyaninov comes out. Then Father Fyodor appears to meet him.
They proudly walk past each other several times.
VOROBYANINOV ("with inexpressible sweetness"): Hello, father.
FYODOR (with sarcasm): Good morning, Ippolit Matveyevich.
They pass each other, then come back.
VOROBYANINOV: Did I hurt you during the last meeting?
FYODOR: No, why, it was very nice to meet you.
VOROBYANINOV: You don't serve dinner anymore, do you?
FYODOR: Where to serve! Parishioners fled to the cities. Treasures are sought.
VOROBYANINOV: Notice your treasures! Their!
FYODOR: I don’t know whose, but they are only looking for.
EVENT 3
The same and Bender.
Melody No. 4
Ostap comes out and goes to Father Fyodor.
BENDER (terribly): Do you buy old things?Chairs? Offal? Wax boxes?
FYODOR (quietly, scared): What do you want?
BENDER: I would like to sell you old trousers. Why are you silent, like a bishop at a reception? We buy old things, we steal new ones!(Father Fyodor steps back.)How about pants, dear cultist? Do you take?(Evil mocking.) There are also sleeves from the vest, a circle from a bagel and a dead donkey's ears. Wholesale of the entire batch - it will be cheaper. And they don’t lie in chairs, you don’t need to look! BUT?!(Father Fyodor is hiding.)
Ostap was about to leave.
FYODOR (squeaked indignantly): You're an idiot! (Hides behind a chair.)
BENDER: What? (Coming closer, making the palms of the pipe.)How much is opium for the people?(Silence in response.) Dad, you are a vulgar person.(Turns to Vorobyaninov.)
VOROBYANINOV: No matter how he follows us!
BENDER: After today's meeting of ministers on a yacht, no rapprochement is possible. He is AFRAID of me.
Melody No. 7
The heroes leave.
SCENE 4
EVENT 1
Melody No. 7 (ongoing)
Narrators 3, 4.
NARRATOR 3: At a dinner at the old mistress of the former marshal of the nobility (Elena Stanislavovna), Ostap introduced his partner to the guests as “a giant of thought,father of Russian democracy and a person close to the emperor ", and called for the creation of an underground "Union of SWORD and ORAL". For the future needs of the secret society, Bender collected five hundred rubles.
NARRATOR 4: The next day, Ostap married the widow Gritsatsuyeva, “a sultry woman and a poet’s dream,” and left her on their wedding night, taking other little things besides the chair. The widow's chair turned out to be empty, and the accomplices left to search for treasures in Moscow.
NARRATOR 3: In the capital, the concessionaires failed the operation: 10 chairs left the hands of the great schemer in disgrace, they were distributed about given at auction one by one. Two chairs out of 10 were bought by Ellochka Shchukina, a charming creature whose vocabulary consisted of 30 words: 10 times less than the dictionary of a savage from the cannibalistic tribe "Mumbo-Yumbo".
NARRATOR 4: Ellochka dreamed of plugging the daughter of American billionaire Vanderbe into her belt and ice and tried very hard to keep up with her, not missing a single French fashion magazine. Ostap did not prepare for a conversation with Ellochka, because he preferred INSPIRATION for conversations with ladies.
Melody No. 8
The narrators leave.
EVENT 2
Melody No. 8 (ongoing)
Setting to music: Ellochka and girls with fashion magazines.
EVENT 3
Ellochka and her new dressing gown, trimmed with "mysterious" fur.
Ostap appears, immediately understands everything, closes his eyes and takes a step back.
BENDER: Beautiful fur!
ELLOCHKA (gently): Joke! This is a Mexican jerboa.
BENDER: It cannot be. You have been deceived. You've been given much better fur. These are Shanghai leopards! Well, yes! Leopards! I recognize them by their shade. See how the fur plays in the sun! .. Emerald! Emerald!
ELLOCHKA: You are the right guy.
BENDER: Surely you were surprised by the early visit of an unknown man?
ELLOCHKA: Ho-ho!
BENDER: But I'm here with you on a delicate matter.
ELLOCHKA: You're kidding!
BENDER: You were at the auction yesterday and made an extraordinary impression on me.
ELLOCHKA: Be rude!
BENDER: Have mercy! To be rude to such a charming woman is inhumane.
ELLOCHKA: Horror!
BENDER: Sweet girl, sell me a chair. I really like him.Only you with your feminine flair could choose such an artistic thing. Sell it, girl, and I'll give you seven rubles.
ELLOCHKA (slyly): Be rude, boy.
BENDER (talking in): Ho-ho. You know, now in Europe and in the best houses of Philadelphia they have revived the old fashion - pouring tea through a strainer. Extremely effective and very elegant.(Elochka was alarmed.)A familiar diplomat came to me from Vienna and brought me as a gift. Funny thing.
ELLOCHKA (interested): Must be famous.
BENDER: Wow! Ho-ho! Let's exchange. You are a chair for me, and I am a strainer for you. Want to?(Ostap takes a strainer out of his pocket. It makes an irresistible impression on Ella.)
ELLOCHKA: Ho-ho.
Melody No. 8
Ostap puts the strainer on the table, takes a chair, and bowing gallantly, leaves.
Ellochka with a strainer goes the other way.
SCENE 5
EVENT 1
Melody No. 8 (ongoing)
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: Just as easily and artistically the great combinatorhe obtains the coveted chairs from the engineer Shchukin, from the comedian Absalom Iznurenkov, from the editor of Stanok, from the poet Nikifor Lyapis-Trubetskoy. However, diamond dreams remain dreams. Time passes, and the treasure is not found.
Melody number 9 (chilling clock - background).
NARRATOR 2: Long absence of comrade Benderbothered Madame Gritsatsueva. She, having read an advertisement in the newspaper that her husband “fell under a horse ... escaped with a slight fright ...”, urgently went to Moscow in search. Seeing his wife, Bender ran away from her with all his legs and eventually locked him in the office, where the "sultry lady" met the dawn. The couple sorted things out through the GLASS DOOR.
Melody #9 (continues louder)
The narrators leave.
EVENT 2
First Gritsatsueva.
GRITSATSUEV (calls gently): Su-u-uslik! Gopher!(Concerned.) Comrade Bender!
It turns out slowly Bender.
BENDER: And... are you here too?
GRITSATSUEV (joyfully): Here, here.
BENDER: Hug me, my joy, we haven't seen each other for so long. Why don't you go, my chicken? Your Pacific cockerel is so tired at the meeting of the Small Council of People's Commissars.
GRITSATSUEV (fussing, jumping): Gopher. Open the door for me, Comrade Bender.
BENDER: Hush, girl! A woman is adorned with modesty. Why these jumps? Well, what are you up to?(Strictly.) Who is stopping you from living?
GRITSATSUEV (offended): He himself left, but he asks!(Crying.)
BENDER: Wipe your eyes, citizen. Your every tear is a molecule in space.
GRITSATSUEV: And I waited, waited, closed the trade. I went for you, Comrade Bender.
BENDER: Well, how do you feel now on the stairs? Not blowing?
GRITSATSUEV (angry): Cheating!
BENDER: A particle of the devil in us
Closed at times!
And the power of female charms
Give birth to a fire in the chest ...
GRITSATSUEV: To burst you! Bracelet stolen, husband's gift. Why did you take the chair?
BENDER (coldly): Do you seem to be getting personal?
GRITSATSUEVA: Stole it! Stolen!
BENDER: Here's what, girl: chop on your nose that Ostap Bender never stole anything.
GRITSATSUEV: And who took the strainer?
BENDER: Ah, the strainer! From your illiquid fund? And you consider this theft? In this case, our views on life are diametrically opposed.
GRITSATSUEVA: He took it away.
BENDER: So, if a young, healthy man borrowed from a provincial grandmother a kitchen utensil that she did not need, due to poor health, then he is a thief? So you order to understand?
GRITSATSUEVA: Thief, thief!
BENDER: In this case, we will have to part ways. I agree to a divorce. No time to hug. Farewell, my love! We parted. Like ships at sea.
GRITSATSUEVA (yelled): Guard!!
Melody number 10
The heroes leave.
SCENE 6
EVENT 1
Melody No. 10 (ongoing)
Narrators 3, 4.
NARRATOR 3: The chair that disappeared in the goods yard of the Oktyabrsky railway station remained dark spot on a gleaming plan of concession works. The four chairs in the Columbus Theater represented sure booty. But the theater was leaving on a trip along the Volga with the Scriabin steamship.
NARRATOR 4: Ostap “choosed the fatter one out of two birds with one stone”, that is, a trip to the theater, announcing to Vorbyaninov: “The last act of the comedy“ Mother-in-law’s Treasure ”is coming. Finita-la-comedy is approaching ... In a word, the meeting continues!
Melody No. 11
The narrators leave.
EVENT 2
Melody No. 11 (ongoing)
Member of the commission, supply manager.
COMMISSION MEMBER: Why didn't you tell me before?
MANAGER: How could I know that he would get sick?
COMMISSION MEMBER: What the hell is this! Then go and demand that HU-DOZH-NI-KA be urgently sent to the Scriabin steamship.
MANAGER: Where will I go? It's six o'clock now. Everything was closed. And the ship leaves in half an hour.
COMMISSION MEMBER: Then you will draw yourself. Since you have taken upon yourself the responsibility of decorating the ship, you can take the rap as you please.
The committee member leaves.
EVENT 3
Ostap appears.
BENDER (yelling from the audience): Comrade! You! You! Who needs an artist!(Approaches.) I'm an artist.
MANAGER: Comrade, if you are an artist, we will need the following from you: the execution of posters, inscriptions and the end of the banner. Our artist started making it and got sick. We left him here at the hospital. Well, of course, the general observation of the artistic part. Can you take it on? And I warn you - a lot of work.
BENDER: Yes, I can take it upon myself. I had to do this kind of work. It will be difficult, but I will try. Your conditions?
MANAGER: Conditions are negotiated.(Ostap is not very pleased.)In addition, there is also a free table and a separate cabin.
BENDER (with a sigh): Well, okay, I agree. But I also have a boy with me, assistant.
MANAGER: As for the boy, I don't know. There is no loan for the boy. At your own expense, please. Let him live in your cabin.
BENDER: Well, let it be your way. My little boy is smart. Get used to the Spartan environment.
Shouts to Vorobyaninov, who is standing in the auditorium.
Why are you standing like a betrothed? I thought you were on the ship a long time ago. Now the gangways are being removed! Run quickly! Skip this citizen!
Kitty runs to Ostap.
MANAGER (suspicious): Is this your boy?
BENDER: Boy. Is it bad?(For sure.) Whoever says it's a girl, let him be the first to throw a stone at me!(The supply manager sullenly left.)Well, Kitty, you'll have to go to work in the morning. I hope that you will be able to dilute the paints. And then this: I am an artist ... you are my assistant. If you think that this is not so, then rather run back to the shore.
Bender and Kisa sit down.
BENDER: Kisa, I want to ask you as an artist of an artist: CAN YOU DRAW?
It's a pity. Unfortunately, I can't either.(Thinks.) Do you know letters?
Kisa shakes her head.
Can't you either? Not good at all! After all, we are HU-DOJ-NI-KI! Well, for two days it will be possible to wind, and then they will be thrown out. During these two days, we must have time to do everything we need: to inspect the chairs and still try to draw a sower scattering bonds.
Melody No. 12
EVENT 4
Setting to melody 12
Workers bring in a large paper screen and set it in the middle.
Bender and Kisa are working on the creation of the sower and on the inscription:
“Everything is for circulation! Every worker should have a government bond in his pocket.”
Above, the "artists" draw the sun, and below - a flower.
Instead of a sower, Ostap's mischievous hand depicted a kind of stump with a sugar head and thin lashes instead of hands.
EVENT 5
Bender, manager.
BENDER (to the impudently appeared supply manager): Well, how is the banner?
MANAGER (shouting) : Pack your things!
BENDER: Why such a hurry?
MANAGER: SAVE things! Out! You will go to court! Our boss doesn't like to joke!
BENDER: No, seriously, you don't like the banner? Is this really an unimportant banner?
MANAGER (shouts): Get out!
Ostap and Kisa depart.
The caretaker leaves.
BENDER (looks at creation): Hmmm ... the banner turned out pretty wild. Miz e rye execution.(Thinks.) Let me summarize the situation. Passive: not a penny of money, three chairs are leaving down the river, there is nowhere to spend the night... Active: a guidebook on the Volga... It is very difficult to strike a deficit-free balance... The situation is much more serious than I thought...
Melody No. 13
The heroes leave.
Workers carry away the work of Ostap.
SCENE 7
EVENT 1
Melody No. 13 (ongoing)
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: The concessionaires found themselves in such a distressed situation in Vasyuki. However, the great strategist found a way out of a seemingly hopeless situation: he arranged a paid lecture in the club on the topic “A fruitful debut idea” and a paid session at the same time. e exchange game of chess on 160 boards.
NARRATOR 2: Catching up with the theater, Ostap Bender and Kisa Vorobyaninov ended up in Pyatigorsk, where there was a lot of music, a lot of funny people and no one cared about two dirty diamond seekers. It was then that Bender uttered one of his famous phrases: "Oh, Kitty, we are strangers at this celebration of life." Ostap managed to make acquaintance with the theater fitter Mechnikov, the great oh whoa.
Melody No. 3
The narrators leave.
EVENT 2
Melody #3 (ongoing)
Monter, Bender, Kitty.
MONTER (hugging with Ostap): You can, it's always possible, darling. With our pleasure, my dear.
BENDER: Well, for the whole thing ten!
MONTER (surprised): Dusya! You make me angry. I am a man tormented by Narzan.
BENDER: How much do you want?
MONTER: Put down half a. After all, property is public property. I am a tired person.
BENDER: Good. Take twenty! Do you agree? Well, I can see in my eyes that they agree.
MONTER: Consent is the product of complete non-resistance of the parties.
BENDER (whispers in Kise's ear): Well articulated, dog. Learn, Kisa.(Monter.) When will you bring the chairs?
MONTER: Chairs against money.
BENDER: It's possible.
MONTER: Money forward: in the morning - money, in the evening - chairs or in the evening - money, and the next day in the morning - chairs.
BENDER: Or maybe today - chairs. And tomorrow - money?
MONTER: I, darling, am an exhausted person. The soul does not accept such conditions.
BENDER: But I shall only receive the money by telegraph tomorrow.
MONTER: Then we'll talk. In the meantime, darling, happily stay at the source, but I went: I have a lot of work to do. Strength is not enough. Can you live with one Narzan?
The fitter leaves.
EVENT 3
BENDER (thinking): The time we have is the money we don't have. Kitty, we have to make a career. One hundred and fifty thousand rubles and zero kopecks lie before us. It only takes twenty rubles to make the treasure ours. There is no need to shy away from any means. Hit or miss.
Melody No. 2
The heroes leave.
SCENE 8
EVENT 1
Melody #2 (ongoing)
Narrators 3, 4.
NARRATOR 3: Ostap Bender, of course, chose P BUT ON, but to no avail: there were no diamonds in the "theatrical" chairs.
NARRATOR 4: Father Fyodor, deceived by Korobeinikov, he also did not find what he so passionately desired. Fleeing from the pursuit of competitors, unable to withstand the torment of persecution, he climbed a completely sheer rock, from which he could not get off, went crazy there, and ten days later he was removed from there by Vladikavkaz firefighters to take the laughing priest to a psychiatric hospital.
NARRATOR 3: In the end, the diamond diggers were left with a hundred chances out of a hundred.
NARRATOR 4: The last chair disappeared in the goods yard of the Oktyabrsky railway station in Moscow. But it didn't sink into the ground. What's the matter? The meeting continues!
Melody No. 4
The narrators leave.
EVENT 2
Kisa, Ostap.
BENDER (shouting): Ippolit Matveyevich! Listen, Ippolit Matveyevich!
KISA: Is there?
BENDER: That's the thing, there is. Oh, Kisa, the devil tear you apart!
KISA: Don't shout, you can hear everything.
BENDER: That's right, Kisa, they can hear ...A chair in the railroad club.(Thinks.) You are an extremely handsome old man, Kisa. But I won't give you more than ten percent. Well, why do you, why do you need so much money?
KISA: What do you mean why? What do you mean why?
BENDER: Well, what will you buy, Kitty? Well? After all, you have no imagination. By God, 15 thousand will be enough for your eyes ... You will die soon, you are old. You don't need money at all... You know, Kitty, I don't think I'll give you anything. This is pampering. And I will take you, Kisulya, to be my secretary ...(Looking at Kisu.) Don't be offended, I was joking. You will receive your three percent. By God, three percent is enough for you, Kitty. Well, friend, prepare your pockets. We'll go to the club before dawn. it best time. The watchmen sleep and see sweet dreams... In the meantime, my dear, I advise you to rest... The meeting continues! The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury!
Melody No. 2
The heroes leave.
SCENE 9
Melody #2 (ongoing)
EVENT 1
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: These were the last words of the great strategist. He fell into a carefree sleep, deep, refreshing...
NARRATOR 2: Ippolit Matveyevich approached the head of the bed and, putting his hand with the razor far away, with all his strength he thrust the entire blade obliquely into Ostap's throat at once...
NARRATOR 1: Then Vorobyaninov went to the club of railway workers to the coveted chair, in which there was NOTHING.
Melody No. 3
The narrators leave.
EVENT 2
Kisa, janitor.
KISA (coming from the hall): It can't be! It can't be!(Grabs his head.)This cannot be.
STREET CLEANER: They go here, all sorts of people go here. They go and go. And you, comrade, are interested. And right. Our club is one of a kind. There is nowhere else like it.
KISA: What is so extraordinary about it?
STREET CLEANER: I've been on watch here for the tenth year, but there has never been such a case. You listen, soldier. Well, there was a club here all the time ... I guarded it. Neg about It was a big club... But somehow they bought a chair for the stage, a good, soft one... I perched on this chair to unscrew the electric light bulb, and rolled, slipped, the lining on it was torn. And I look - glass beads are pouring from under the skin and white beads on a thread.
KISA: Beads?
JANITOR (admiringly): Beads! And I look, soldier, further, and there the boxes are different. I didn't even touch the boxes. And he went and reported. I did not touch these boxes and did not touch them. And he did well, because there the jewel was found, hidden by the bourgeoisie ...
KISA: Where is the jewel?
Dvornik: Where, where? Here you need to have an idea. Here they are!
KISA: Where? Where?
STREET CLEANER: Yes, here they are! Here they are! Wipe your glasses. The club was built on them! See? Here it is, the club! Steam heating, checkers with clocks, a buffet, a theater, they don’t let you in galoshes! ..
The janitor leaves.
KISA (disappointed): So that's where it is, Madame Petukhova's treasure! Here it is!(Grabs his head.) Everyone is here!
Melody #1
Kitty, clutching his head, runs away.
EVENT 3
Melody #1 (ongoing)
Final release of the artists.
Used materials
- Melody 1 : Overture from the film "12 Chairs" by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by the vocal quartet "Accord").
- Melody 2 : "Ostap's Tango" from the film "12 Chairs" by M. Zakharov (music by G. Gladkov).
- Melody 3 : "Striped Life" from the film "12 Chairs" by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by V. Zolotukhin).
- Melody 4 : “My sail is whitening ...” from the film “12 Chairs” by M. Zakharov (music by G. Gladkov, lyrics by Y. Kim, performed by A. Mironov).
- Melody 5 : march "Vasyuki" from the film "12 chairs" by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
- Melody 6 : a twist in a restaurant from the movie "Prisoner of the Caucasus ..." by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
- Melody 7 : “Union of the Sword and Oral” from the movie “12 Chairs” by M. Zakharov (music by G. Gladkov).
- Melody 8 : “Ellochka-cannibal” from the movie “12 chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
- Melody 9 : Madame Gritsatsueva in pursuit of Ostap from the film "12 Chairs" by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performs the vocal quartet "Accord").
- Melody 10 : the pursuit of Ostap from the film "12 chairs" by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
- Melody 11 : song on the boat from the film "12 chairs" by M. Zakharov (music by G. Gladkov, lyrics by Y. Kim, performed by A. Mironov).
- Melody 12 : "Artists" from the film "12 Chairs" by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
- Melody 13 : Chase in Vasyuki from the film "12 Chairs" by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by the vocal quartet "Accord").
- Melody 14 : tango "Where among the pampas ..." from the film "12 chairs" by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by V. Zolotukhin).
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